Biggles from Klunker League Now drove up from Springfield to ride with the Rat Patrol. We gave him a tallbike and we all went to the Critical Mass. Filmed some television for the X-man show while riding drunk. The ride ended in a little park and our sound system bike ignited a spontaneous dance party. People got naked. Joints were passed. The cops came. "When you see the five-oh, X-man must go". We yelled "Public space! Public space!" but the dancin' was a threat to society. They ticketed Katie for public consumption when she picked up the trash. Went to the Paris of the 80's. They were fixing dinner but a very drunken Mel fell and grabbed a great big bowl of cooked pinto beans off the counter, spilling them everywhere. Everybody slipped on the beans like in a comedy movie. Bean fight ensued. By 8 pm I was covered in smushed beans. Scott grabbed my package. We tagged up the place and then the Rats rode down to Owen's. On the way we found a gimungous stuffed snowman, and at the party we shanked it and out came snow! It snowed styrofoam BBs for a while until it was ankle deep on the porch. Great drifts of snow blew into the kitchen. The styrofoam beads stuck to the beans all over my body. I also got cut a little by McD, but with that guy you're ahead if you haven't been stabbed. The new year came and we all ducked under the porch as the shooting started. Once it died down I decided to go find the Lamprey party, even though I couldn't exactly remember where it was. On the way I kept falling off my bike and realized that I was actually too drunk to ride a bike! In smaller doses drinking makes you better, but this time I had to set a spell until I was able to ride. I found the party somehow and schemed a bit about the St. Ratrick's Day parade. Passed on the opium tea as I was trying to sober up before I passed out and missed the fun. Got in the hot tub with a bunch of people in their drawers and then got kicked out by the host. Put a little first aid on a burn that resulted from drying by the firepit. Met a few people who I'd emailed recently. Was unable to resist the charms of a little elf with the prettiest sewing stitches decorating her skin and kissed her but I was one of four she chose for the job. Later I was assaulted by a couple more women, actually overpowered against my will and spanked very painfully and not at all enjoyably. Admired all the art and ate some fondue. Retired around 5:30 to a shrine-like apartment covered in thousands of little bric-a-brac hands, crucifixes, phalluses, and pin-ups like "Zombie Virgin Mary". Passed out on the floor. Woke up and had a conversation about the old testament and the sacred feminine. Rode to the Dive and my handlebars broke off just as I got to the door. Went to the Rat Ride in the pouring rain, but fortunately Chopper Bob was there so he had some whiskey. Retired to the Gutter Bunnies' to watch The Wild One...