So I see this bike messenger come in yesterday who has half a beard. One side of his face was all scruffy, as most bike messengers are, and the other half was clean shaven.

I'm all for facial hair experimentation. I wish we still lived in the days of mustache wax and sideburns that turned into a mustache. But somebody oughta tell that boy he looks like a fool.

In college, I experimented with every facial hairstyle except the hitler mustache and the above-mentioned burns-to-stache. Full beard, goatee, lambchops, amish beard, van dyke, handlebars, soul patch, imperial, and a lousy attempt at Sam Shepard's mustache (nobody but Sam can have that mustache). I've looked stupid for the sake of having wacky facial hair. And this guy looked to ME like a chucklehead!

Okay, they gotta hike that one pant leg. It's utilitarian, not a g-thang. They also have to tattoo that leg. It's like the badge of the job. They are under strict instructions to flirt with the receptionist. They don't have to be scruffy wastoids, it's just that the job attracts the type. You can look however you want and you must be absolutely batshit to get into traffic with people who all have propulsion systems, armor, inertia, and blind spots. It's bad enough DRIVING in traffic! Perhaps that bravery/stupidity drives a man to shave half his beard.

So, drivers, I'm offering 100 points for the fool with half a beard.