The Steampunk World
Tri-State Crematory: You Lost 'Em, We Tossed 'Em
So this creepy Georgia Crematory Story is giving everyone the heebie-jeebies, myself included. I think it's because it's so wrong, but it's not quite clear why. This is not a case of someone being crazy and mistreating corpses- the guy only inherited the place in '96, and the body-dumping has been going on for 15 years or so. It's more like a case of a family being extremely, extremely stupid.
How long did he think he could toss the bodies in the woods before someone walking their dog discovered them, like all bodies in the woods are discovered? "What's that you've got, Mister Snuffles? Did you find a bo-bo? Bring it here... OH MY GOD AHHHHHHH!!!!" And he was giving the families concrete dust, they said today on the news. It seems to me- and this is a stretch- don't you think that disposing of bodies in some way OTHER than cremating them would be more of a pain in the ass than actually cremating them? I can't imagine the smell. I was 15 miles away from that place a couple years back, when Singular and I were on a road trip- I'm surprised I couldn't smell it then.
I called him ((706) 764-1577 ) to ask why he did it but his voicemail box was full. I was hoping that the recording would say something like "I can't come to the phone right now, I'm facing 16 felony counts" or "If you've gotten this recording, I'm probably chucking somebody's beloved grammaw in the woods and handing them a jar of concrete dust." I looked the place up on Terraserver but I couldn't see any bodies from there.
I'm super-creeped-out by the thought of all those bodies scattered around the woods, but I'm also pretty amused by the degree of negligence here. It's like a company accountant taking all the company receipts and stuffing them under his desk and hoping nobody will notice, except we're dealing with human bodies, which people tend to get a little sentimental about. I mean, we always knew the post-life industry screws the bereaved at every turn, but I just never imagined.
The irony here is that I myself would love to be tossed in the woods when I die. But because of our culture's wacky believe in ghosts and goblins and deities, we're legally bound to be stuffed full of presswood glue and stuck in a box to be all nasty and manky forevermore. I want my earthly remains to be recycled, to become part of the great circle of life once again. Now I know where to request to be cremated.
Once in Dayton, a friend's boyfriend tried to tell us in all seriousness that a local restaurant, renowned for its dumplings with their secret ingredient, was discovered to be breaking into morgues and slicing- and he was serious- the buttocks off of corpses and putting them in the dumplings. He claimed that two mysteries had been solved at once- who was slicing the buttocks off of all the dead bodies around, and what the secret ingredient of those delicious dumplings was. "Butt-dumplings?!?!" I exclaimed, "You expect us to believe that some restauranteur got it in his head that he was going to serve butt-dumplings?!?!" I didn't believe him then, but now I'm thinking...
When we were in that part of Georgia, I stopped and got some boiled peanuts. Maybe this guy wasn't just chucking the bodies- maybe he needed them for something! Maybe he was slicing the tender buttocks off and using it to flavor some of those delicous boiled peanuts. Come to think of it, the packaging did say, "Tri-state Crematory Brand Soylent Boiled Butt-Nuts." Oh my goodness!
BOILED SOYLENT BUTT-NUTS ARE MADE OF PEOPLE! THEY'RE PEEEEEEEEEOOOPLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!
So this creepy Georgia Crematory Story is giving everyone the heebie-jeebies, myself included. I think it's because it's so wrong, but it's not quite clear why. This is not a case of someone being crazy and mistreating corpses- the guy only inherited the place in '96, and the body-dumping has been going on for 15 years or so. It's more like a case of a family being extremely, extremely stupid.
How long did he think he could toss the bodies in the woods before someone walking their dog discovered them, like all bodies in the woods are discovered? "What's that you've got, Mister Snuffles? Did you find a bo-bo? Bring it here... OH MY GOD AHHHHHHH!!!!" And he was giving the families concrete dust, they said today on the news. It seems to me- and this is a stretch- don't you think that disposing of bodies in some way OTHER than cremating them would be more of a pain in the ass than actually cremating them? I can't imagine the smell. I was 15 miles away from that place a couple years back, when Singular and I were on a road trip- I'm surprised I couldn't smell it then.
I called him ((706) 764-1577 ) to ask why he did it but his voicemail box was full. I was hoping that the recording would say something like "I can't come to the phone right now, I'm facing 16 felony counts" or "If you've gotten this recording, I'm probably chucking somebody's beloved grammaw in the woods and handing them a jar of concrete dust." I looked the place up on Terraserver but I couldn't see any bodies from there.
I'm super-creeped-out by the thought of all those bodies scattered around the woods, but I'm also pretty amused by the degree of negligence here. It's like a company accountant taking all the company receipts and stuffing them under his desk and hoping nobody will notice, except we're dealing with human bodies, which people tend to get a little sentimental about. I mean, we always knew the post-life industry screws the bereaved at every turn, but I just never imagined.
The irony here is that I myself would love to be tossed in the woods when I die. But because of our culture's wacky believe in ghosts and goblins and deities, we're legally bound to be stuffed full of presswood glue and stuck in a box to be all nasty and manky forevermore. I want my earthly remains to be recycled, to become part of the great circle of life once again. Now I know where to request to be cremated.
Once in Dayton, a friend's boyfriend tried to tell us in all seriousness that a local restaurant, renowned for its dumplings with their secret ingredient, was discovered to be breaking into morgues and slicing- and he was serious- the buttocks off of corpses and putting them in the dumplings. He claimed that two mysteries had been solved at once- who was slicing the buttocks off of all the dead bodies around, and what the secret ingredient of those delicious dumplings was. "Butt-dumplings?!?!" I exclaimed, "You expect us to believe that some restauranteur got it in his head that he was going to serve butt-dumplings?!?!" I didn't believe him then, but now I'm thinking...
When we were in that part of Georgia, I stopped and got some boiled peanuts. Maybe this guy wasn't just chucking the bodies- maybe he needed them for something! Maybe he was slicing the tender buttocks off and using it to flavor some of those delicous boiled peanuts. Come to think of it, the packaging did say, "Tri-state Crematory Brand Soylent Boiled Butt-Nuts." Oh my goodness!
BOILED SOYLENT BUTT-NUTS ARE MADE OF PEOPLE! THEY'RE PEEEEEEEEEOOOPLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!
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