51) wait four days for rep to call back
52) Call and ask to talk to appropriate department
53) be told they don't take calls, that they'll call me
54) Wait another day
55) Call and ask what's taking so long
56) Be told that no serviceability form will be entered because cable modem service is not available in my zip code
57) Call twenty different DSL providers
58) be told by each that I must be an Ameritech customer before I can get DSL
59) call Ameritech
60) Be told that I simply need to switch, pay my first month's bill, and then they can verify if service is available in my area, which would only take 2-4 weeks to hook up
61) burst a blood vessel in my forehead, splattering the screen with blood

to be continued...