I got an invitation to go drinking after work with Billy Corgan today. The Hooterhumper's girlfriend is an agent for a recording studio where Billy is recording an album. She called and invited the Hooterhumper to lunch, but he had already left for the local greasy spoon, causing much cussing on his part when he got the message. However, by now they've headed over to the bar and The Hooterhumper invited us all to come along.

I don't know, though. What would I say to Billy Corgan? I'm a fan of his music but not enough to have a meaningful conversation with him about the direction it's going in. Plus, I'll betcha dollars to dot.com stock options that they ain't exactly drinking at a dollar-beer type of place. I'm too poor to drink with rockstars. Overall, though, I declined the offer because I would only be going because he's famous.

The Hooterhumper has an excuse to be there- it's his girlfriend. We'd just be hangers-on, seeking to bask briefly in the glow of some star (or Corgan's shiny head). Not that HH isn't going for just this reason, but he's got an in. I'd just be another nobody star-gazing, and everyone there would know it.

Now, certain artists I'd give anything to talk to. I have plenty of questions for the ones that I worship, and it would be the weight of their genius that wowed me and not how well-known they are. Laurie Anderson. Noam Chomsky. Michael Moore (though he answers his email, so he's pretty accessible). Steve Irwin. The author of the Twin Jim Physiology Wunderbook. The fiddler for the Raisin Pickers. The guy from the band Garden Variety who was found through a newspaper ad. I'm sure there are more famous artists I admire, but the list would go on and on.

Being famous is my worst nightmare. I'll do anything to avoid it, and I've been successful so far. To have losers, psychos, sickos, and wannabes coming up to you everywhere you go, determined to get your autograph, marry you, or kill you is no kind of life to live. The guy who plays Dr. Green on ER says that the question he's most commonly asked by fans is "Can you take a look at this and maybe give me a diagnosis?" People are nuts. People are stupid, pitiful, crazy, lunatics around somebody who's gotten their picture on the cover of the Rolling Stone. I don't want to be one of those people tonight.