That lederhosen contest won me the office prize for "funniest costume". Strange how it wouldn't even raise an eyebrow in Bavaria. But hey, if cultural differences put $25 in my pocket, how can I complain?

I felt like an old man today, yelling at the morning news. A high school kid got suspended for having a fake gun in school- because he was playing a policeman in a school play and it was part of his costume. Better nip this in the bud before kids start shooting teachers with chicken fingers. Then they had a piece on Lerone Bennett Jr.'s book about Abraham Lincoln and what a racist he was. The book seems to be coming from a perspective that facts about Lincoln are not spoken about these days. From the quotes I've read in reviews, I believe everything it says. But judging those things in a 2002 mindset, like the talking heads were? That's crazy! Lincoln publicly used the n-word. Gasp! Publicly using the n-word in 1860!?!?! Lincoln liked minstrel shows. Gasp! In 135 years, think they'll accuse Bill Clinton of watching UPN and the WB? And the shocking revelation that slavery was not the motivation for the civil war, that Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclimation under pressure from abolitionists. I'm very interested in reading this book to compare it to the way the news portrayed it, like some tabloid. "Author accuses Lincoln of using the N word! Pantheresque Prose Proposes President Poor Provider of Props to Peeps! Extra extra!"

Been listening to old Jerry Clower routines lately. I had no idea how much Jeff Foxworthy and Ray Stevens had built careers off of imitating this guy.

"Milla Jovovich is one of the few women I'd sleep with," said Former Neighbor Kris, "I'd hop the fence for her. Of course, I'd have to get back to the other side quick before they start checkin' I.D.s"

Wanna hear something sad? I was sitting around with Singular, Bush, and VeloRat, smoking Skunk Number One out of some contraption that VeloRat had built using a graduated cylinder and gas valve from American Science & Surplus, and we were all giggly, and I got this great idea for a really silly web page, and I made it right then and there. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I got high and wrote html. Mr. Nosuch had me busting up with his comments:

Mr Nosuch: Wow.
Mr Nosuch: Does it validate? :P
Johnny Payphone: oh, it turned out fine.
Mr Nosuch: We already knew you were a geek.
Mr Nosuch: Come on and get into the sty with the rest of us geek-piggies.
Mr Nosuch: You know you love it.
Mr Nosuch: Let go of the hipster mask... Let it go... Let... it... go...
Mr Nosuch: One of us... one of us... one of us...
Johnny Payphone: LMFAO