Bleagh.

Singular left on Saturday. I become such a lump when she's not around. I don't want to do anything experiential, since the joy in that is purely sharing it with her. So instead I do all kinds of things that I have a null opinion of, since if it's enjoyable I want to save it. I clean the house. I change the litter. That's what I did on Tuesday, change the cat litter.

This year was the least x-messy of any so far. My work doesn't put up decorations and crap, or play xmas music. I've avoided all retailers since Halloween. So it didn't really hit me until about Friday that I would have to plan for everything to be closed on Tuesday. Ooh, and I could get some work done at the office without anyone bothering me.

Well, I was wrong on both counts. I got the call from the boss saying that the Big Project was moved back, letting me off the hook to work Tuesday, plus I found plenty of places that were open to cater to my chip- and chip-dip-related needs. Thank Ganeesha for the Hindis. I guess I've found where I need to be, where there are too many creeds and colors for life to center around a particular one, as it did back in BFE.

Back on Thursday, the boss made a big cut, exactly halving our department. Merry Christmas, you're fired! Actually, I think this was a good thing. She fired in an effort to make it look like she was taking decisive action, to prevent her boss from cutting the entire department. While business tradition dictates that you constantly fire the bottom 20% just to keep people on their toes, this time she simply posed a question to each employee: "Do you want to be here?" Forget firing based on performance. It's rare that someone sucks at their job just because they suck. They usually suck because they don't want to do the job, don't want to be there. So she asked the question (darling you got to let me know...) and half said, "No". Some people were given heavy suggestions as to what they should answer. I wasn't given a suggestion. I answered Yes. I think they kept me because of the Big Project.

The Big Project is one of those things that happen all the time. Managment says to tech-nerd type: "I want the database to be arranged this way. Is it possible?" "Yeah," says the Nerd, "It's possible, but..." "GREAT!" says Management, "So, you'll have this for me on Thursday?" Meanwhile the task itself will probably take a week's worth of hours, due in a few days (days which you used to have off), and Management will be thoroughly unimpressed if you finish it on time, simply because they're not aware of the difficulty of the task. Surely you've all been there. In this case, Upper Management says to the Nerd's Management "do it," Nerd Managment turns around and says, "Do it!" and Nerd doesn't get to present his case to Upper Management as to why that's a Really Bad Idea.

If you accomplish the impossible, the boss will make it part of your regular duties.

To counter this, do what Scotty did: Always behave as though the reactor's about to explode. Like She Canna Take Much More O This. That way, when the boss says Fly Her Apart Then!, and nobody dies, it's like a miracle.

So I've got work on my mind and I've forgotten about xmas and that's when a box arrives from my parents, with presents inside. Y'see, each year I ask my mom not to get me anything, and each year she does anyway. It's not because I don't like xmas, for I do it on my birthday too. The reason is simply that since I lost all of my wordly possessions in a flood, I'm not too keen to stock up on more worldly possessions. I just have everything I need.

So Singular tears into the gifts immediately, since she cannot tolerate a surprise. I hope she reads this, too, because I have one for her (call it a New Year's gift) and she's far far away and cannot do anything about the fact that I have a surprise, I have a surprise, neener neener neeeeeener. I think about it for a few days but since I'm not going to see my parents (or even talk to them until the obligatory xmas phone call) I went ahead and opened them.

They were very perceptive gifts. My mom's getting better. Things that I like. My mom's really good at getting what I didn't even know I wanted. Also, now she buys clothing for me that I would wear, rather than clothing that the type of person she wishes I was would wear. My parents are the type that are so good to you, you feel guilty because you're not as good to them. I suppose this is much preferrable over the usual type of parents.

So Mom calls a week before xmas, to beg to let them buy a ticket for me to go home. No, I thought I was working that day, I made party plans with friends, and I don't say it but I also just saw them at Thanksgiving. For a holiday, not a Tuesday. I'm not coming home. Thanks for the presents, they're awesome. I told you not to get me anything. I'm not going to win this battle, am I?

"No," she says, and then, "You opened the presents? But then there will be nothing for you to open when we're together on xmas!"

Ah jeez. Now I feel guilty about spoiling a get-together that was never going to take place.