You down with V-E-Z?

I happened to pick up a paper and happened to glance at an ad where two small words caught my eye: "El Vez". Once again Elvis was with me, and he guided me to his only begotten (though illegitimate) son to receive his wisdom. I'm no Presleyterian, but I knew it had to be a sign from above.

I travelled to The Abbey at 9pm. The performance area is all painted up as stone, with evil lephrechauns and druids and other Irishy things. They also employed as many Irish people as they could- sure would be nice to have an accent that would get you gainful employment in foreign countries without concern for work visas. I don't really like Irish beer, so I had a Fosters. I ordered some curried fries from the kitchen to go with my beer. Very tasty.

The crowd: 60% Chicago Kids. This is the fastest growing population in town. Guys: Beige clothing that straddles the border between casual and business casual, with pockets in unusual places . Girls: Cat's eye glasses, shoulder-length hair tied in a pony tail, tank top.

20% Rockabillys. The ticket held two rockabilly bands, so I saw many pompadours and Betty Rubble haircuts. There's this weird subculture in Chicago that goes to rockabilly shows and dresses in the styles of the 50's and make tiki lounges out of their houses. It's odd, but they're all good people. They just wanna bop. As El Vez sez, "United we stand, divided we fall, use lots of hairspray, your hair will stand tall."

10%: Those old fat guys with goatees and long hair that seem to sort of work/hang out in every bar.

10% Misc, including a couple that looked about 80, a few punks including a little bitty four-foot one, two hispanic guys, and the mother and sister of one of the Elvettes)

I played "spot the rockstar" in the pre-show crowd. This is only fun when you don't know the band, and you try to guess who they were. It's very hard at a rock show, where everybody's trying to be one. Wait, do I see velvet pants? One of the old goateed guys gave it away by bringing them their towels and bottled water.

I, of course, wore my cowboy shirt, the one with the two royal flushes embroidered into the chest. There aren't many occasions where that shirt is appropriate, so I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. So I'm sittin there eating my curried fries when that long-haired towel guy asked me if I was in the band! I couldn't help it- I busted out laughing when I should have been demanding whiskey.

Angel Retentive showed up with her friend Jim. I had blabbed to the whole office earlier about El Vez, and Angel thought it sounded fun but it was her Scrabble night with Jim and so they decided to risk it. They weren't disappointed.

First up: The Blue Moon Boys. Their lead singer could have been right outta Grease except for the tattoos and wallet chain. He was very dramatic, high kicking and smoking and strutting around. He also could actually sing musical notes!


Next up, the New Duncan Imperials, shown here with a naked Mojo Nixon.. These guys were amazing. Imagine if Ted Nugent got a brass section and put on a beige tux with salmon ruffles, a steel blue bow tie, and a straw hat. It was like rockabilly and late-70's guitar were combining to bring hair to unprecedented heights. They were big goofs, spraying toilet paper into the audience with a leaf blower and envoking lots of audience participation. I can't wait to see them again at their Thanksgiving show.

Then El Vez entered the building. I can't really describe his music, except that it's like Elvis with a latin touch and everything else imaginable thrown in. It has a very universal appeal- I would recommend downloading one of his Elvis covers to start. He opened with James Brown's "Saved", with both he and the Elvettes in boxing robes and gloves.

There were many costume changes, including El Vez as an Aztec god, an angel, and an outfit with a huge picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe on the back. That one was for a song about Guadalupe that included a robed band member transforming a bouquet of roses into a picture of her. I wish my friend Guadalupe could have been there.

For a song about safe sex, he came out in an Elvis jumpsuit- only it was black mesh with a big leather belt studded with gold. He and the Elvettes flung silver-glitter-wrapped condoms into the crowd.

He made us honorary Mexican-Americans for the night. His message was very uplifting, about living a positive life and loving your neighbor. It's all about the U.S. as the promised land, and he even sang an ode to peace in the middle east in the form of a rock'n'roll Hava naGila.

Catch him if he comes your way- unless you can't stand Elvis's music, you'll enjoy it. He puts on quite a show. To him, though, he's just doing Elvis's work.